Thoughts

I have been doing a lot of thinking this past week of my little Zoey. It's been 6 months since her diagnosis and I have been reflecting on how my feelings and emotions have changed since then. When I first found out about infantile spasms I was crushed. All the dreams I had for my girl were gone. I read story after story of parents with children with infantile spasms and how their kids are so dependent upon the parents for the rest of their lives. Getting dressed, eating, changing diapers on your adult child. 50 to 1 the stories were heartbreaking not uplifiting. I stopped reading stories. Only recently has my mindset changed.

I can't tell you what has exactly changed, but my heart is changing. I look at my beautiful child and I see her absolute love for me. She will stop and stare at me, then pull out this beautiful toothy grin. A grin just for me. Because I'm her mom. And because I'm her mom I will do anything to make her happy and enjoy her life. If making sure she has a clean bum at 30 years old, then so be it. Zoey didn't ask for this, and while I take care of her, she is the one living this life. As her parent I am going to give her the best and happiest I can. Just like I want to do so for my Joseph. I have a connection with her that let's me enjoy her smiles and laughs. For now I will cling to that and be happy. I know my fears and worries will always be there back in my mind, but those will be pushed back and I will be happy! For those struggling with same emotions, just hang on. It does get better. There is always hope. Feelings change, emotions change, and happiness comes.

For those who want to meet my special girl and he protective brother, come to our fundraiser this Saturday at 3 to enjoy shopping, food, and entertainment! Deseret peak indoor arena in tooele, ut!
Santa will be there too!