Crapy days

I know I just blogged, but now I find that sometimes blogging clears my head and let's me think about other things... Sort of. I came away from that Dr. Visit feeling so optimistic, and then more crap happens. My poor little girl, she hasn't had her painful seizures for weeks now, but last night she woke up with some really nasty ones. I cannot express how painful it is to watch your child go through these horrible, painful things and all I can do is watch and hold her. I should be able to help her! Mother knows best right? My heart just breaks. I felt like at least those had gone away, but no they are still here. Then today came. All day she has been good. Here and there she would have a few but mostly ok. Then we sat down for dinner. BAM. A head dropping big seizure. While better then the painful ones, not easy to see her collapse in half and eyes roll. Over and over and over. About 40 times in the space of 30 minutes. This is when I panic. Why isn't the medicine doing ANYTHING??Shouldn't it be doing something? So I made the rounds calling people to figure out what or if there was anything to do. Wouldnt you know it.. the old neurologist is the only one to answer because she was on call... Little bit awkward. Pretty much told that nothing could be done this weekend and wait to talk to my neurologist Monday.. bitter? I would say yes. So now I am waiting to go to bed and see what my weekend brings. Totally discouraged and wondering what is really going on with Zoey that we just aren't finding. Hard being a parent. Such love for a baby I only met 6 months ago.